This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
