I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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