do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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