You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
