did you get engaged???
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize