I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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