weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
