Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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