I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
