3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
