life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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