then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The power of my boobs compel you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
