dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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