im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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