When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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