Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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