My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
did you just send me my own nude
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
