I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
