you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You ruined the universe
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
