Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
