my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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