I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
