You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I need a beard to bite.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
