Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
