Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
