I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
