Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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