I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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