oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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