Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
