I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
