It's like a parade of train wrecks.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
