she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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