All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize