clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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