just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this just has baby written all over it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
