Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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