Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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