Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
