he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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