I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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