Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
