i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
