He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
