the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize