I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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