just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
