At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize