So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
