Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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