yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
sex in a hospital.. check
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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