I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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