we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize