You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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