this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
