hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
