I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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