): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
