so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
