Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
