I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
farters have to be the big spoon...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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