You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
