I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
