could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
