if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i love accidental penises.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
