I think my vagina is haunted
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
