theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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