Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
