toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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