Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
