erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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