Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
