I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
