my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
