I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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