Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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