Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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